Camel

It may have come to your attention that my work is not very consistent, and this is because I am trying to work something out. I wrote the following yesterday and do not necessarily like it. Actually, I'm quite certain it's horrible. It tries to hard and comes off as a game. I'm posting it, because it was written--which, in and of itself, is an Improvement.
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Am I to be the straw that breaks your camel-back?
The brittleness that oppresses your golden will to fight, the loving muscles of your back?

Or am I to be the straw trampled under your blind feet? For, surely this is a matter in which only one survives.

Just as surely, it must not be so.
Would I be the straw that nurtures you as you cross your desert? Would you not accept my nutrition so that you could claim your destination as a product of your individual strength?
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As I said--not so good. The prose is awkward; the style, inconsistent; the parallels, incongruent. However, something in the feeling--maybe just a tiny shade of it--is right.